The lost art of the thank-you note
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Now that Thanksgiving is past, gift buying and gift giving is foremost on many folks' minds.
But in that frenzy of purchasing or gift making, don't forget to buy a little box of thank-you cards.
"With all the emphasis on gift buying and gift giving at this season, it is easy to overlook what comes next other than the credit card bills -- thank-you notes," said Nancy Kirk, who wrote a book on the topic, "The BIG Little Book of Thank You Notes."
The premise of her book is that most people don't know what to say or how to say it when composing a thank-you note.
Her book includes 75 sample thank you notes that cover the most common occasions that prompt a thanks.
"The biggest complaint I hear from grandparents is that they never get thank you notes from their grandchildren," she said. "I think most people don't teach their children to write thank-you notes because they don't know how to do it themselves."
Those who do faithfully write thank-you notes credit their moms for teaching them.
"I learned from my mother," said Marsha Sparhawk of Rexburg, who faithfully writes thank-you notes for gifts, dinners and other acts of kindness.
"She always wrote them," Sparhawk said of her mother, "and I've taught my kids to write them."
To Sparhawk, who enjoys getting mail, it's important that the notes are hand-written rather than e-mailed.
Hand writing the notes shows the gift or dinner receiver thinks it was worth taking the extra time to show appreciation.
"People need to show appreciation," she said. And doing so may have more rewards than self-satisfaction.
She said she's talked to grandparents who say they feel more like giving when they get thank-you cards.
Sparhawk gets thank-you cards as well as sends them. But she acknowledged the number of cards are fewer as time goes on.
People profess to be busier and less inclined to take the time to send personal notes.
"We get some, but not as many as we used to," she said. "It's definitely a dying art."
Sylvia Greenhalgh of St. Anthony also learned to send thank you cards from her mother, who would pointedly ask her if she had remembered to send a card after getting a gift.
Later, "When I thought about it, I decided I wanted to write more than the original thank-you," she said. Thanks when writing the notes became less of an obligation and more fun.
"I love it now," Greenhalgh said.
Her thank you notes are full of words of her expression of personal appreciation.
In fact, those who routinely send the thank you notes, such as Greenhalgh and Sparhawk, could probably write their own how-to books on the topic.
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